Elegance and discretion
In Italian, there are two ways to address people:
MODO INFORMALE
Dare del TU
Dare del LEI
The courtesy form in Italian, LEI, is used to address someone in a more formal and respectful way.
It’s generally used between adults who don’t know each other and are meeting for the first time, especially in professional and formal contexts.
It is also used to address an older person, a teacher, a superior.
We remind you of our articles on how to introduce yourself formally:Presentarsi in modo formale in italiano
Introducing yourself formally in Italian
This form is written with an initial capital letter (especially in official communications) and is accompanied by verbs in the 3° person singular.
Let’s compare the two forms: the TU and the LEI
MODO INFORMALE
MODO FORMALE
Luca come stai?
Sig. Rossi, come sta?
2° pers. sing.
3° pers. sing.
Other examples:
- Come ti chiami?
- Come si chiama?
- Di dove sei?
- Di dove è?
- Vuoi un caffé?
- Vuole un caffè?
The courtesy form in Italian: which pronouns are used?
MODO INFORMALE
MODO FORMALE
Luca, sono felice di rivederti!
Sig. Rossi, sono felice di rivederLa!
Luca, avrei voluto telefonarti!
Sig. Rossi, avrei voluto telefonarLe!
As seen in the example, direct and indirect pronouns are in the 3° person singular FEMININE even when addressing a man.
The courtesy form in Italian: agreement of the past participle with the pronouns
When the auxiliary AVERE is required, the past participle of verbs agrees in gender and number with the pronoun that precedes it:
l’ = la femm. sing. sostituisce PASTA che è femm. sing.
What happens when using LEI?
l’ = la femm. sing. sostituisce PROFESSORE che, che, però, è masch. sing.
The courtesy form in Italian: the plural form (a dilemma for many Italians!)
While using he courtesy form in Italian, many Italians actually make mistakes with the plural form of LEI!
Let’s see what it is: LORO.
MODO FORMALE
MODO INFORMALE
Sandra e Luca, come state?
Sig. Rossi, Sig. Bianchi, come stanno?
2° pers. plur.
3° pers. plur.
Other examples:
- Ragazzi, cosa volete mangiare?
- Signori, cosa vogliono mangiare?
- Bambini, fate silenzio!
- Signori, facciano silenzio!
- Dove siete stati?
- Dove sono stati?
Summing up:
MODO FORMALE
MODO INFORMALE
Sing. TU
LEI
Plur. VOI
LORO
Where do Italians make mistakes?
Often, very often, they use VOI (plural “you”) instead of LORO (3° person plural) in the formal context.
This use is so widespread that it’s not considered an error in contexts that are not particularly formal.
Conclusion
The LEI form, the courtesy form of the Italian language, is accompanied by a more distant and respectful language than the TU, which is the informal form and used in more familiar contexts or between close friends.
The use of the LEI depends very much on the situation and the relationship between the people involved.
In some informal contexts it may be more appropriate to use YOU even between adults who don’t know each other, while in more formal or professional situations, the use of LEI is more common.
Remember!
The use of the LEI is not immediately understandable and if you are just beginning to study the Italian language it may be difficult to use it.
Don’t be afraid!
Italians, in general, are very understanding with those who begin to study their language and are so proud that someone wants to do it that they even welcome your possible mistakes with grace and kindness.
No one will feel offended if you turn to him on the street and say:
“Scusa, dove si trova il Colosseo?”